I had been logging in and out of blogger for so many times. i dont know what to write.

My family is facing a crisis and this add on to another of the many crisis that i am experiencing in my life. 2004 is a bad year(so far). My dad's present office is in jurong east. So its quite convinient for him. This had been the case for the past 30 years. But things are changing. The head office is transfering him to the office at kallang. That means he will have to wake up real early every morning, take MRT with so many other people and adapt to a new environment. This is bad news. He thought that he will be retrenched. At least it will be better that case. They will compensate him for the losses and he can retire at the same time. But that's not the case! The office is actually 'forcing' him to quit by posting him to somewhere far. Dad has health problems and he already have problem travelling far away. Now travelling far away EVERYDAY!? it doesnt sound good. And he cant retire yet because if he does, no one is going to support me through my diploma. I am a burden to the family. i am feeling so terrible. No one seems to be able to understand. No one try. No one bothers anyway.

Another crisis happened in school. I may have to retain another year in SP just because of one module. OMG. what am i going to do? should i just carry on my course and study till my 4th year or should i change my course? If so, what course should i change to? i dont have interest anywhere. Business Admin? Mass Com? I dont know.. If i am going to stay 12 more months, i am going to add on to dad's burden. And what actually happens after my graduation from poly? University education? where can i get the money? Local U or overseas? who's going to support me? Will my results permit? i am a wreck.

I am still not taking it very well. This is me. And i cant just lie to myself and everyone else that i am doing very well. I am happy and comfortable with my present life..etc. blala. I AM NOT!!! I am not ready to admit defeat because i am not defeated. But i am still losing balance despite the fact that i am trying to pick myself up. Who cares manz? Everyone is happy with their life. Even if they arent, they are just too busy about their own life. No one is going to care about me. No friends. They are all busy with their dears. No family. i tried. Kor tried to talked to me too. He tried to understand. But once again, he's doing all the talking while i listen. this is not communication. This is just passing on information to me. No him. Many people tell me that they will be there. But are they actually there? i am happy that he is getting on life well without me. And maybe that's the reason why i feel that he wants me out of his life so much. I feel so unwanted everywhere i go. In school, at home, outside..even clubbing. WTF? Am i a pest? I just need someone to listen, to be sincere and truly care.

Dont tell me that i am hiting rock bottom again. Please dont.

You've got the poison, I've got the remedy.
@2/17/2004 03:15:00 am