Is there really such thing? "Yi Sheng Ai Ni Yi Ge"(The only love in my life) And if there is really such a thing, who is that special one? What about the rest of your relationships? You mean you dont love them at all or dont love them as much? how do you actually measure love?

Sigh.. Ever heard of Love Triangle? What about Love Square? yea. Heard of it, been in it before and now i am in it. argh. Its so ironic. Its this love square between me, ru, joseph and ah liang. wtf? Ru's ah liang gf. joseph likes ru. i like joseph. So isnt this a love square? sigh.. I used to laugh when girls tell me they like the guy. I find it impossible. I am so used to the idea that the guy will show interest first and if the girl likes the guy, a relationship will start. I always think that a girl shouldnt take initiative nor should her even try to fall for the guy because i think it wont work. Guys are very jian stuffs lor. When they get it too easy, they will not bother to treasure them. But if they have to try very hard to get the girl they like, they will treat them like treasure.

Yesterday we ton night at joo chiat hotel 81. There were joseph, james, sotong, me n ru. We had fun being crazy and everything. It had been a night full of hopes but also a night full of disappointment. I also dont know why i am interest/like joseph because my actions are so wierd. I found myself caring so much for him and feeling so much for him, ya know..that kinda feeling? E.g. he sat on the floor beside the bed and he was so sad suddenly. He kept on talking about his ex gf and kept on calling out to her. Despite the fact that i wasnt very sober, i went to him and tried to talk to him, held his hand and listen out to him..till he blurt out he likes ru. My heart almost fell out. i stared at him for a while before letting go of his hand and went back to the bed, together with kor they all. I told myself to forget about everything and all the shit, to leave him alone. He has ru to take care of him anyway. I dont have to care. i am not a very competition person. I dont like to be a competitor neither do i like to have competitors. If its better this way, i should just back out. I hate the feeling of trying so hard to strive for something that isnt that good when there are better ones out there. I am so tired. Dont have the energy anymore. Sigh.. So i heck care abt him and did my own stuffs. After a while got kinda tired so i tried to rest. Ru was sleeping between me and him. When Ru went to the toilet, he asked me to move over to sleep with him. I was kinda pissed coz i dont like to be lead on u see. So i said "it doesnt make any difference anyway". And he said,"if you think it doesnt its ok." practically snook me. Sigh. Yea i did move over. but we didnt talk much also. Just slept there.

Hes a nice guy la. Not like kor they all. =X haha. Kor they all very touchy! =X ops they all kept on hugging us lor. like put their hands around our waist sort of thing. But joseph is so unlike them. =D sigh.. I dont know la. Think the person he likes is Ru lor. Perhaps what ru said is right. He did that(the asking me to move over part) because he want to try but the feeling is not there and not right. Whatever it is, i dont know what i am going to do. To back out and give up or hold on like a fool. It contridicts la. I was like pretty nice to him and stuffs. Burn cd for him, help him wipe away the blood on his toes, giving him my jacket..etc. The last time any guy ever wore that red jacket of mine was richel. Sigh.. Perhaps one gets too emotional when they are not sober.

I think things will always work out. Dont have to think so much ba. Love that feeling being crazy and everything. Like i really like to hang out with kor they all. Feel very close and very loved with them. =D But once again it contradicts, coz kor and joseph is like good friend but they are like enemy as well. Sigh... life sucks!!!