..In my school lab now...
Slept for less than two hours and here i am sitting in the lab attending class. I cant sleep the whole night. Went out with jamson and vic for supper. Broke my routine and ate chicken wings. Gosh. Yesh i did because well, yea maybe i zhi bao zhi qi again. Then when i reached home had to solve some problems with *him. Felt so giddy and puke. What's wrong with me? More thinkings, surfing the net..blabla. Till morning. I cant sleep so went downstairs to jog. Burn off that extra fats i consumed at night. Hopefully it helps.
Yesterday had been a full of disappointments day. Everything did not go according to the plans and i had to be adaptive and change to whatever plan that comes along.
At first was abt Rodyney. Supposed to go out with him after his flight from adelaide. We msged each other the day before then he said wana meet up. So cute of him! but when he's back at 7pm yesterday, he changed his mind. boOo. Think he must be very tired after his flight.. around 6 hours flight! Whenever i think of him, i think of my dream. Sigh. But wonder when i can fulfill that dream of mine.
Then next its him. He disappear for the whole day and i just kept on waiting while occupying myself with other things. But he broke the last straw and i send him that msg. I realised that this is the first time i actually send someone that msg without feeling hurt/sad/painful. Maybe i am numb le ba. This time i am a much different girl. I know that maybe its all a game. Its all the hua yan qiao yu he tells me once again but well, i only listen but i never say i actually accept what he told me. I am taking it rather easy now. But what will happen weeks or months down the road? will i get sick of him or will i fall so madly in love with him? what happens if he comes hurting me again? All these are uncertainties. I dont have an answer. I feel like i am at a cross road right now, confused and unsure.
I am so fragile. Just like a glass. How i wish i can be a diamond, shiny, beautiful and strong. i am trying to do that now. If you dont try, u never know. I guess even if he cheat on me or toy around with me, i just have to learn to accept and deal with it ba. You cant avoid this sorta things. The world is full of this sorta rubbish. Just as long as you dont do it to others, i hope it wont happen too many times. The saying goes, "what goes around comes around." If he want to cheat me, then cheat lor. I am sure there's retribution.
Talked to jamson and see things in abit different kinda view. Not going to go into details but its more of like the adult thinkings and we, teenagers thinkings. The adult world is sooo complicated. I think i am really tired of living. What the helL!?
Still feeling vexed abt the issue. I actually have such a wierd complex feeling that i wonder if i am alright. argh. free me pls.

You've got the poison, I've got the remedy.
@8/30/2004 11:15:00 am