Aloha!

Its a stunner how things change so fast within a week. I am in LOVE!

erm.. I don't know whether I can call it love but I think so? I am really haunted by my past relationships that I don't have much faith in the word love anymore. I don't know what to say, what to do, how to behave to be a good girlfriend, a good lover. I find myself lost, asking myself if this is for real. Is this really happening to me? Do I really deserve this good guy? Is he really good? I thought I am a thrash that's for faggots to shift their weights around?

Frankly speaking, I wish that I can just jump right into this pool of roses and immerse myself in the juices of love!(Juices of love? What kind expression is this?! LOL) I wish I can love him sooooo much and not be afraid of getting hurt. But I cant. I don't dare to. My feelings like a pipette, dripping a drop by a drop, one at a time. I feel as if I am walking on those thin metal line, any wrong step, I will just plunge deep and die. It wont be funny. A relationship is like two person reading two books. One reading each other. How I wish its a thin book and I can just finish reading it like this. I don't like unnecessary nasty surprises. So pls. Its not funny!

He's so nice! He's such a GREAT boyfriend so far! He makes me feel so loved! Yup Yup, he's Calvin. The guy whom I know through Steven and Ru. He touched me so much. He's always so thoughful and sensitive. He makes me miss him sooo much! There are just so many things that I wana say but they are so much that I don't know which one to tell! All the tiny little things he did make me so happy! I hope this is not some kind of mindgames or honeymoon period syndrome. I don't wana have any problems or quarrels with him. I really cant bear to. I used to know how to be a good girlfriend but now I have got no idea! I am trying to be one and hopefully I can succeed without being treated like a piece of crap again. hmm.. hehe. Calvin makes me promise to quit smoking! uh oh. That's really tough u know. I am still trying. I don't wana disappoint him. I don't like to see him frown when he smell my smelly fingers. Like the way he did last nite. hm. =( I am also working very hard to slim down!!! Still working hard but this time with the additional of exercise! My whole body is aching now from the 3 hours of gym i did yesterday! I can hardly move around!!! But its really sweet for darling to massage for me after that tough training~ hehe..

He's going back next week for 2 weeks. 14 days! i am going to miss him like crazy!!! He's going to miss me like crazy too..hehe. Its a good thing coz that 2 weeks will be my exam week. I can be less distracted and concentrate on my revision. i dont wana flunk my exams again. Oh pls. During that two weeks, i also wana accomplish my slimming plans. My three times a week three hours gym is not going to stop. I wan him to see a new me in that two weeks. Its not going to be some major change but i will change huH!

Oh yea. Must be wondering abt Bryan the faggot right? Oh I broke up with him before I got together with Calvin. So see! I didn't do anyone wrong huh! I am so glad I make the right decision, for the first time, hopefully.

Thank you god for giving me simple happiness. =D
You've got the poison, I've got the remedy.
@10/13/2004 04:24:00 pm