This is the first time i am talking about my guy on this blog and everything of him in just one entry. Purpose of doing that is because.. today i felt alot for him and i feel that i want to write about him, his goods, his bads, everything.. i dont know whether it will turn out into a lovey dovey entry or a hate-entry but i am going to write about it, no matter whether he will see this one day ornot.

He has been in my life in and out thrice. This is the third time we got together. The first experience sucks. My life wasnt tormentated by him but i got so disappointed with him that i think that he's a bloody jerk. Now, sometimes, he makes me feel this way too. In name, we are a couple but we never ever behave like one. We are so distant and we dont know each other very well. That's something so sad right? Sometimes i really wish we can spend more time together. But it takes two hands to clap. If he never want to find time for me, we can never spend time together no matter how much time i reserved for him. I hate him when he MIAs and break promises but everytime he did that, i forgave him again and again, hoping that he will change. It had been like this for dont know how many times(probably around 50 times he did that). But everytime after i swept the broken pieces of my heart, calmed myself down, and slowly piece them back, he will pick up my heart again, and smashed them to the floor again.

I dont know who to blame, or perhaps i can only blame myself. It could be me, my character or just pure luck. I always meet guys who do that. Or it can be because i am too naive. But i think a person never learn how to walk unless they fall. We are never born to know how to walk right? I just wish that by going through so many set backs in my love life, at the end of it, i will meet someone really good and give my best to him. I will learn from all my past lessons and apply them on him. Now i treat every relationship as an adventure, as a lesson that all of us have to go through.

I met him with him today, finally after two weeks. It was just for a short while. we chatted and stuffs. After that when i reached home, i received his call. This is only the 2nd time he calls me since 2+ weeks ago. Sometimes i wonder, what does he actually want in me? Like he treats me like helium balloon. When he likes it, he holds me closly to him but when he doesnt, he just releases my strings and kick me out. but he never ever release it all the way to prevent me from flying too far away. That's THE RULE. sigh. i hate playing mind games.

I kept on asking myself what i want from this relationship and he finally asked me this question just now. I am a simple and stupid girl. i dont want anything but i just want him to return my love. that's all. But if i love him i wont heck care so much about him right? i realised that i feel less hurt each time he did that to me. or maybe i am getting numb?

P.S: ops i read this over and realised that i actually didnt write what i want to write! ahhH! i just cant get the message accross. omg. my english sucks. or maybe is coz i dont know what i feel also.

i wish upon a star, for simple love. i wish to have everyday like today.i am so happy today but i didnt dare to tell him because i am so afraid that if i tell him, he will walk away on me again. We just merely sit at the stone table and chat and i am happy. wtF? I wish to wish upon a star soon. i miss seletar reservior. boo hoo.
You've got the poison, I've got the remedy.
@10/05/2004 01:04:00 am