I stared at our picture for long. I day dream about that day, the fun and joy that we had. I read through the Smses, with every sms, it refreshes my memory of everything he said. I miss those words. I no longer hear them from him. At first it gets lesser and lesser till it decreases to none. It quietly creep away out of my life. I cant force myself to read those sms any longer nor look at the photos. I dont want to think about it. I am running away again. I went to look for his christmas presents but I am really afraid things will go wrong before xmas. I dont want to hope and feel disappointed.

Does he know that I miss him so much? I suffer from insomia everynight, just on thinking of him, thinking of our relationship. On the first day he was gone, i admit that i was abit over reacting. I woke up in tears because i miss him, because i didn't receive his sms or any calls, because i cant feel his love and concern at all. I really hope i am over reacting and i am being oversensitive. Over this past one week that he has been away, he didnt call me up at all. The most we did was sms. And on days when i call him, he hastily hang up the phone. Was he trying to help me save money or because he's just too cant be bothered. I have this feeling that he has been so looking forward to this trip back and he wanted so much to get out of here. The first time he went back, he kept on telling me he miss me. Now he dont, not at all. He told me he has been very stressed up and he has alot of problems overwhelming him. OMG. I really find it very familiar. I felt helpless. Like i know he has problems and i shouldnt add burden to him. I should try to help me but i cant!! i freaking cant!!! Dont you think this is very familiar? very similar to Bryan tan the jerk?!

I really hope that this is the phobia that Bryan tan the jerk has instilled inside me. Not some of my sixth sense or whatever shit. What's really wrong? will everything be solved once he's back?

I think i need assurance. I come home everyday hoping to see him online, to talk to him. i so look forward to his sms. Last time i dont even have to ask for them. Now i hardly get any sms from him. I realised that i am hurt. I am very hurt. He's coming back in two days time. This long 48 hours. i wish they will come soon. i really miss him alot. I wish to find out that things are not as bad as i think. I dont want to come home everyday missing him. having him on my mind every single second, wherever i go i see his shadows. i feel as if i have already lose him. oh no. pls tell me i am over reacting. please god.
You've got the poison, I've got the remedy.
@11/27/2004 04:03:00 am