Hey Where are all the good man in this world?! Cmon! Show up! I need to see you all to still believe that there's true love in this world! It dawn upon me that i have been so preoccupied with calvin n my life and that i haven been dating for a long time. And that's not exactly because i am not free but, there's no good guys for me to date! I realised that though i have slim down and i am suppose to look relatively more attractive, i dont have new guys around me! How did i meet guys in the past? Through clubbing? argh. u cant get guys from those type of shitty place. U will only get shit guys! So where are all the good guys hidding?

i came up with a conclusion that perhaps i have become so anti social and so uninteresting that i dont meet guys and even if i do meet them, i dont interest them as much to keep them interested in me. That's based on my character. Next on my looks. I need to slim down more and have a better diet. I also need a BOOB JOB! Yes i am not exactly joking. I am not happy with the size of my boobs! No, correction, Guys are not happy with the size of my boobs and that makes me unhappy with the guys who are unhappy with my boobs. So in order to make myself happy with the guys, i have to do something to make myself happy with them, and them with my boobs.

Ok i know there will be people leaving comments on my tag board telling me,"no sweetie, u look perfect with ur humble boobs. At least your boobs wont overflow in plunging necklines tops and they wont bounce too much when you jog. Guys forcus on ur inner beauty and not only on the outer." Yes the boobs wont and that's the whole problem! And those are words of comfort for humble breast ladies. They do forcus on ur outer beauty as much as ur inner self. Face the reality!

Ok nono, i am not getting breast augmentation now as it involves the insertion of a saline or silicone or saline filled implants to enlarge the breasts and lotsa money. I dont have money and the courage to do them now, yet. But i do want to see if there are other things i can do to change it before going under the knife.

Let's go back on the topic man. No one's dating me right now! I no longer get invitations to movies during the weekends. Most weekends are either spent with calvin, clubbing or go chill out with the girls. I am not trying to say that any of the above activites are boring but i think i need a break from the normal routine. Moreover, calvin's no longer around. He dont even care abt me anymore. I tried to substain our long distance relationship by msging him and coming home early to go online just to chat for that few mins online but he never bother! he dont reply my msges, he dont even msg me! and he came online without his webcam. Ah forget it. He dont understand how much i miss him and when he does those actions, he's making me feel so miserable and the more i want to look for a proper guy to date! I need to feel that he bothers, he cares. I know that if i dont do anything abt our long distance relationship any sooner, the relationship will drift apart.

my love for him haven die. Its still strong. very strong. But i dont want to suffer another round of heartaches if he's not going to give me the assurance that i need. I will have to force myself to divert my attention to another guy. I need that to prevent any more heataches. Oh pls. So get me a guy. Oh no. I sound so desperate! OMG! nah nah nah. i dont want any guy. i want a GOOD guy. Someone who fits my critera, who's witty and interesting, generous, huge romantic...ah everything. I still think that calvin is the best.

I said i miss you but he didnt return it. Both of us are faking it. He knows that i miss him but he fake that he didnt hear it. And then i fake that i dont know he dont miss me. What the hell?! I want to say i love you too! but i cant because i know there will be more faking going on if i say that out loud. But i want to say it because i feel it this way but i dont want to later fake that i dont know he dont love me. argh. oh gosh. Can u spare me from all these? give me a good damn guy!

or give me a good fuck buddy? lol. I was reading abt this today in the forum. Fuck buddy. Pretty common these days, underground. Two people hang out to fuck and they click because they fuck, with no strings attached. Sounds good eh? But its not that good if there's emotions attached and issues like reputations coming in. If ur fuck buddy is really that good, why are u all just fuck buddies? So its either he's not that good(physically and mentally) or he's so good but u cant have him anymore because YOU ALL ARE FUCK BUDDIES! You think he's a stud but he thinks that you are a slut.

Dates, fuck buddies or boyfriends, i dont have any of them now! That makes me single and desperate and lonely. No no no. Minus the desperate but add the word desire. ah ha! that makes everything so different. The same D word but with a total different meaning. Cmon, give me one of them! wahahahahaha.. n remember, its desire, not desperate. Period.
You've got the poison, I've got the remedy.
@1/28/2005 04:36:00 am