*slap myself!* *slap myself!* I OVERSLEPT?!?!but why?!

i didnt manage to wake up to send him off. I was so horrified when i woke up to see that my clock was 230pm. Exactly the time he's flying off. Before i sleep i make sure dad promise to wake me up but he didnt! How could he? i felt so betrayed. I felt so disappointed and unhappy.

I dont even get to say a last goodbye and hug n kiss to him. Its not few weeks ya know? its months!! i hate myself now. i really do. i am so irresponsible! argh!!!!!!!! But he seems ok when i called him just now. He just said bye and he was low on value. Guess once again i miss him more than he miss or he will miss me. Argh. kill me. slap me. I feels really empty now. I know its not a big deal to miss sending him off but i just feel really angry with myself. But relax girl. U are over reacting. Why do u have to react so big when he dont bother? The bigger your reaction, the more he means to u. Why bother to make urself miserable when he's not at all? Its his own problem that he's gone. Not urs! get a life man!!! He isnt sad over it, why must u be? But u just dont understand!! Everytime he's gone i will miss him like crazy. oh cmon.

n i realised that i always have to take whatever people dont want or are not interested. If something interest me, i dont bother to achieve it myself. In fear that i will fall hard or lose it. If that thing happen not to interest anyone, it will come to me. If it does, ppl will get it for themselves. why?!?! Fuck urself man!!! argh. i hate myself i hate myself!!!


You've got the poison, I've got the remedy.
@1/22/2005 01:55:00 pm