.bored..stress..dont feel like doing anything..but have to do something esp abt my exams..very free..want to appear to have a life..trying too hard?..miss him..trying not to miss him..love him more than he loves me..not much feelings already, suddenly..lost interest..good or bad..seems out of my life..dun wana meet new guys..wana settle down..wana earn big bucks..wana slim down..not been exercising..insonmia..kinda lost..terribly short of money..think too much..needs distraction..wish to see him soon..4 days since i last saw him..sms getting lesser..abit cant be bothered already..very tired..stop doing tt..upside down bodyclock..in slight control of my pimples..ugly nails..smoking again..excessive smoking..lotsa quarrels with mom..cry..going mad..two big blisters on leg..thanks to my new pointed heels..friendless..depressed..wana go tour..alone..looking for company..if not should be really alone..wana run away..get away..go go go go go go go go away..far far away..surface happiness..read books..sad story..sad..wana reformat my com..full of thrash n trojan..the way i wana reformat my life..lost focus..lost friends?..mood swings..my english sucks..

nice song-west life
If Your Heart's Not In It

I'm missing you
Girl even though you're right here by my side
Cause lately it seems
The distance between us is growing too wide

I'm so afraid that you're saying it's over
The last thing that I wanna hear

But if your heart's not in it for real
Please don't try to fake what you don't feel
If love's already gone
It's not fair to lead me on
Cause I would give the whole world for you
Anything you ask of me I'd do
But I won't ask you to stay
I'd rather walk away
If your heart's not in it

You say that you love me
But baby sometimes
You're just saying the words
If you've got somethin' to tell me
Don't keep it inside
Let it be heard

I'm so afraid that you're saying it's over
Girl I'll make it easy for you

But if your heart's not in it for real
Please don't try to fake what you don't feel
If love's already gone
It's not fair to lead me on
Cause I would give the whole world for you
Anything you ask of me I'd do
But I won't ask you to stay
I'd rather walk away
If your heart's not in it

How I wish I could take us back in time
But it's gone too far now we can't rewind (And there's nothing that I can do
To stop me losin' you)
I can't make you change your mind (If your heart's not in it)

But if your heart's not in it for real
Please don't try to fake what you don't feel
If love's already gone
It's not fair to lead me on
Cause I would give the whole world for you
Anything you ask of me I'd do
But I won't ask you to stay
I'd rather walk away
If your heart's not in it

after saving my blog, i read through this very random one word blog entry and decide on one thing. I am going to Europe Backpack tour. I am going, soon. It will be soon. Before i turn 20. i wana go Europe backpack. yesh i am going. will be planning for my big trip there. CYA EUROPE! i will be there, alone.

I dont know if its the word, "alone" or the westlife song. Tears welled up in my sockets. This is when i remove my facade. Been pondering on and off what's the real and what's not. The sturborn and rude girl who try to soften herself by convincing herself that she's sentimental and understanding. Want to make herself a better person by always being compassionate and loveable. Tries so hard to be someone she's not that it has already become a habit. She grew into it. She becomes part of it. Or just a very weak simple minded girl who is trying not to lose the painful battles of life by claiming to be unreasonable and hot tempered. Even though she has tried her best, she dont seem to be in much control. So what is she? Who is there to tell her? Who is in the position to judge? God?
You've got the poison, I've got the remedy.
@3/24/2005 04:23:00 am