I have got so much to say just now but i kinda forgot what i wana say. hm.. let me see..

I got very drunk last nite and i said the 3 words to him when i was drunk. It had been months since i said that. Does that suggest that i had fallen in love with him once again? or deeper this time? I dont know.. I felt as if i was on drugs last nite. I suspect that my drinks were spiked. ahh..i dont know! I was working for the carlsberg event at various places and ended at double o. I stayed on to club with my boss and a few colleages and met a few friends over there. Drank quite abit and i refused to leave the place even though dar was waiting at velvet for me. hm. So after that i took a cab and rushed down to meet him at velvet. By then, i was drunk! We took another cab to newton to eat. When i met him, i just hugged him tight. Then i started puking n stuffs. It was quite bad because i didnt even anything for the whole day. Yucks!

I dont think it was the suspected spiked drinks or just purely the alcohol that make me so drunk and emotional. I think cried. I cried because he's leaving. He told me he made up his mind that he's going to apply for pilot. I was so drunk that i dont know what to say. I could only blurt out that i am also going to the JAL interview. I dont know why i said that. Because i wana appear to be the one who's choosing to leave him? Actually this JAL job thingy isnt serious. If i really get in, i would have to stop my studies and fly for JAL. And not only that, i will have lesser time for him, i will meet new ppl see so many new things...everything will be different! But i didnt worry abt all these because i thought that even if i got in, chances are slim that i will let all these things go. But now he's the one who's leaving. Leaving me, leaving the country, leaving our relationship. I dont know what are the chances that he will successfully get through that interview but i think chances are high especially when his mom can help him pull strings.

I dont know whether he's truly happy with me or perhaps just pretending. I dont know. But i think i am to a large extent happy. But i guess i dont control the future. It's not within my choice.

Had been spending happier with the times with him. I thought everything is starting to seem positive. He make me feel like a xin fu de xiao nu ren. We do alot of couply things. We hang out, go shop, eat, watch dvds, play stupid childish games, torture each other, play games.. blabla. It doesnt seem alot but it feels alot. I love the feeling of seeing him sleeping soundly beside me when i woke up. Then he will nudge me and cuddle me while both of us fall back asleep. i love i love.. i hope the good times dont end.

I am moody today. Now i am just like a helpless spectator anticipating for something to strike. When it strikes, all i can do is to sit there and watch it unfold infront of my eyes, helpless, shocked, painful.

Us..



You've got the poison, I've got the remedy.
@3/18/2005 05:08:00 am