I finally got my suit for my interview. =D I borrowed it from Adoncia. I owe it to her!! She helped me solved my problem because one suit like that cost $100 and i dont have that kind of money! Went to her house at AMK to get it. She's staying by herself currently and her house is nice! Its so cool to stay by urself!! I want to do that one day also! Maybe can get another girlfriend to stay with me. But then that will defeat the purpose of moving out--> Privarcy. Hm.. well its too early to decide anyway. The suit she lent me is white. All white. Very pretty. Its tagged size S so i am quite surprised that i cant fit in well and nice. I like the way my butt looks in the skirt. So perky and firm! haha.. Now i am just trying to decide what color top i should wear inside. I am going to wear the white suit, bun up my hair, french manicure, beige bag n shoes, and stockings! Cool huh?

I am confused and stressed up. I had been thinking about the interview alot these few days and i wish that it can come sooner. I am going to have a nervous breakdown soon. I realised that i talked alot about it. I talked about it not because i am excited but i realised, i need some assurance. Somehow or another, i realised that everyone's giving me negative comments. Say, "i shouldnt spend so much money on the clothes, what if i can get in..blabla" But what makes you people think i wont get in? Am I that lousy? No i am not! I can make it if i dont have the pimple scars and the scars on the leg. I have that personality that they are looking for. I have that passion for service. If i perform well for the coming interview, i can do it.

I sound very arrogant huh? I am saying these to convince myself. Pls dont break my self esteem. Besides luck, i need that confidence alot. Alot Alot. I need to struggle till sunday. I need sleep. I have been taking special care to my skin these few days. Have been trying to drink alot of water, proper skin care routines..etc. Exams are over. I need to go back to work again. I need to pack my room. I need to..
sigh

Ppl told me i sounded childish and immature when i talk about my dream this way. But i only talk about my dreams because i know i am going to fulfil them. I only need some guidance along the way. Sigh. I dont know la. Kinda depress but i cant allow myself to set into that depressed mode. Its not going to help in my esteem. Meanwhile, i will try not to blog so much abt my feelings. i dont wana get more confused. gotta brain storm about what to say. hm.. gotta go!

This entry is not directed to anyone. Really! its not. i think i blog to vent my fustrations and to find myself back.
You've got the poison, I've got the remedy.
@4/15/2005 04:29:00 am