*Doing my hydrating mask now*

am surprised when dar msged me a sorry for not accompanying me today. We had a tiff yesterday over this issue. He sorta told me that i have been sticking around his ass and "I NEED MY PERSONAL SPACE". i was so hurt by that. Got so pissed off. I mean, he goes off home once every month and every time he does that he makes me love sick. Thus when he's back, i really treasure every single moment we spend. I didnt stick around his ass all day long. I merely stayover at his house for two days. Is two days ALOT? Ok we made up at the end of the mrt journey(he sat at one cabin and i sat at the other one) but it really affected my mood when i went to work. I kept on thinking abt it and perhaps silly me, i blame it on myself. You cant blame someone for not missing you. its your own fault that he dont miss you. So i decided to just heck care and give him all the spaces he need. I also need alot of space. But just that i really compromise and i want to spend time with him. No correction, i dont need alot of spaces. I have alot of spaces. I am not short of programmes or people to date me out. Take for example, i am booked to work everyday of this and next week. I am already booked to go out with raymond tml at bala and barnone with weiming on sat. Ha! Am i short of programmes? No i am not.

I felt like an angry kid. My anger was about to burst. I wanted to cry and stamp my feet in the cabin. But of course, being the mature and sophiscated lady, i did not. I just supressed my anger and tell myself, "hey girl its ur fault and bloody stop worrying about spending time with him. Heck care so u wont get hurt". I did. And i got better when he msged me minutes later.

Not supposed to meet him at all today but i realised tht i left my uniform with him and i had to meet him to get it. I took a cab to great world city and got it from him. I hate my instincts. I dont like them. argh. anyway, when our eyes met, i got this very wierd feeling. Just left almost like immediately after getting the skirt and went to work. he msged me later saying that sorry. I am touched. I am so silly. i am touched by small little actions. wth?! that's because i love him. argh.

ok. i decided to be the understanding girlfriend every guy dreams of. If he needs his personal space, he can have it all. I just want to let him know that i dont like to stick around his ass all day long. My boyfriend dont have to date me out, bring me to movies, buy my dinner, shower me with love and pamper me. All these---> can be done with my normal guy friends. They do it all the time anyway. humph!

damn, i am hurt.

but damn, i look like i am not hurt.

damn, i think i am not hurt after acting like i am not.

am i?

Nothing can buy love in this world. You are the one who can win your own love.
You've got the poison, I've got the remedy.
@5/13/2005 06:22:00 am