Time: 2.25am

taking a fag n blogging now.

stayed up cox later i have a flight to catch at 8am. Yup will b heading to japan for my training today. Yup.. after waiting for so long.. i am finally going japan. Feeling very lost now actually.

Quarreled with him because he didnt want to meet me before my flight and we sorta breakup. I dont know if its really going to be this way. Very upset and very lost. I know i was abit overwhelming and agressive..esp the way i insisted on my view. But all i wanted to do was to see him. I know that i will miss him badly when i go to japan. I dont know why he repel me. Is it because he doesnt want to get hurt? he doesnt want to be sad that i am going away. He wants to shun away from it? or is it really because i am too aggressive? i dont know. How can this kind of thing happen on the day i am departing? its not going to be a week or two. Its going to be for one and a half months. Its my first longest trip overseas in my whole life. Everytime before his flight, we will always try to meet up no matter how tired, how fatigue i am. I really hope that he can understand why i wanted to meet him so much. I really do care. So now i am wrong for caring and putting in effort? I dont know..i am just very lost. We didnt talk abt it. Mainly coz he's uncontactable. I dont want things to turn out this way. I was so rash when i said those words out. Now, i just want him to listen to me. Everyone is different in one way or another. Sometimes its just abit compromising and understanding. He said he want to compromise to make our relationship work but why is this happening? Sigh.. i dont know. I am just soo confused.

I think i will miss ru and zane and my mom and my dad and my bro and qq and yq and all the impt ppL!!! Dont think i wont miss u all ok?! i do!!! But sometimes i just feel so erm...SHY?! to say all these mushy things out esp face to face. But i held my mom's hand just now. When was the last time we held hands? I feel so guilty thinking abt it. her grip was so tight. I think i will miss my mom. Sob. I can still remember that i was so sad when i had to leave for a week when i went to hawaii years ago! hahaha.. qq u remember rite? Hawaii..those were the days.

btw..My room no is 001810476285663. So feel free to call me or write to me at jal kozu no mori ryou Room no 2627 4-10 kozu-no-mori narita-shi chiba-ken 286-0048 japan. Yup. Use calling cards and make sure that they have promotion for japan calls. Some cards have more credit than others!! didnt give my address or tel no to the gals. Sorry ru!! sorry zane!! I have so many things to do today that i didnt even have time to breathe. + so many things on my mind. Sigh. I just finished packing my luggage not too long ago. Bringing 3 bags there! OMG. later before i leave i will re-check the stuffs again. I have to bring one month plus supply of everything! Gosh! I will reach there at around evening 5+pm. Starting training only tml because sun's a public holiday for the jap. I will try to log in here when i get to go to internet cafes and try to pose some photos here too. Meantime, everyone, must miss me ok? Wish me lotsa luck. I want to come back 6 weeks later, pass my training, go on to my OJT, club with u gals, see him, see my family, sleep on my bed...ahhhHHhhH!! I will miss everyone!!! Good bye! Muackz!!!!! *hug*

Time: 2.49am. Need to go get my mp3 player fix. I think its down. =( Sigh.. of all time..at this time!
You've got the poison, I've got the remedy.
@7/17/2005 02:24:00 am