Met up with Yue Qi just now. We went for coffee at holland V coffee bean. I finally got to drink my fav tropical passion latte! manz.. i miss the aroma of it! I didnt know i miss it so much until i drank it. I didnt know i miss yue qi so much until i saw her too. haha. Chilled and yea, bitched about life.. abt my work, her work at citibank, my flames(as how she address them), LVs...ahh.. We haven meet up for sooo blurdy long! lolz..she was so crazy when she saw my ciggies that i bought from japan. I even gave her the box as pressie!( but she didnt take it.-_-"). Waste my effort..!@#$.. haha.Ok thats because she claims that she likes anything japz. So why not that ciggie box huh?! =X

Ya japanese is interesting but i think i am so lousy that i am starting to lose patience. Why is my japanese soooo lousy?!?! I cant even express basic things abt how i feel. I wana brush up but i dont know how. humph! I think i will just try my best ba.

And we also discussed about SINGLEHOOD. Like what she further emphasis on her blog, she has been single for THREE YEARS! OMG!! How can she do that!? She claims: Think - Women do not need men to survive. Only men need women. Hm.. i dont need man to survive but i WANT man to be there for me. There are a dozen of reasons why i get into a relationship. And one of them is companionship. I like the feeling of someone being there for me all the time, someone showering me with love and care, someone who's really interested in EVERY single thing that i do, someone who can listen to my grumbles, someone for me to do everything in return too. Isnt that nice? But isnt that too fairy tale like too? Yes it is. Its not a NEED but more of a WANT.

My girlfriends can do that as well but there's always a limit. They have their own life to deal with, they have their own relationships to manage. They cant always be there. They cant call you up at the hotel room to tell you they miss you. They cant keep you company on the phone when you are all alone sitting in the hotel room watching tv. I cant run to them when i return to spore and give them a huge wet kiss and say i love you. I do love them and we do kiss but its just...different. I am sure u get what i mean.

I contradict myself. I enjoy my singlehood very much but at the same time, i am keeping my options open. So do i really like staying single or is it because i dont have a choice?! I like the freedom i have when i am single. I have all the right to meet cute guys, i am not afraid of missing any of them out. I can go out with my friends when i am free, i can slack at home all alone, i dont have to juggle my time between work, boyfriend, friends and family. I only need to juggle 3 if i am single. Thats a hell lot of difference already ok! However i will feel upset when i feel lonely and keeps on wondering if there's anyting wrong with me, "is it my looks? My figure? my character? Why are all the ugly girls attached but not me?!" And the more i think, the more complicated the whole issue seems.

When i am attached, i will feel like i am the most fortunate woman in the whole wide world. My world will be filled with "LOVE LOVE LOVE!" I will be terribly love sick and immersed in the whole love spell thingy. I will think of many ways to be the best girlfriend, just for him. That's the crazy side of me when i am "in love". However, usually my "love" will hurt me and my world will simply collasp right infront of me. "hurt" includes things like sleeping with other girls(or my friends),flirting with other girls, promising me things and not let them happen, telling me they are crazy abt me today and leaving me the next..Most of them ended the same way. i will be very sad and angry with the fact that all these things happen. Why am i always the victim and not the guy?! Why do i always have to practice self control so as not to allow the same kind of thing to happen to my supposely love one? And in the end my supposely love one will do all those to me?! Suo Wei, ren bu wei ji tian zhu di mie. This is a very good example. Because i practice self control(and dont flirt or sleep around behind my guy), i get victimise. So moral of the story? Dont practice self control! But dumb me, i never learn from my lessons.

So do i still want to be attach to get that kind of attention that i WANT but i DONT need? How much do i stand to gain with the amt of emotional risk i have to take? Hm... I wish that i just Samantha and not Carrie.

wow, what a long entry of contradiction! I haven blog with so many theories for a long long time!

The-contradicter,
elaine aka Carrie(sex and the city)

Took it last week with QQ at Lucky plaza Macdonalds while waiting for ferlyn. Me and my loose curls day! Oh i must comment! Macdonalds have really good service these days! The manager even offered to help us take photos!! =D

oO! I am going to have sex and the city in two days time!!! Ops no, correction i am going to meet the city but no sex in two days time. -_-" New york! i am coming!!!
You've got the poison, I've got the remedy.
@9/08/2005 03:20:00 am