Sometimes i think it can be really pointless for people to come telling you that u are hot, u are pretty, gorgeous, adorable, cute, irresistable, whatsoever u name it when the person you desire and love the most doesnt even give a shit about you. How irony can life get?

He doesnt even bother about you. He doesnt even think you are special. He thinks you are just normal, like any other girl. How come other guys can think that u are like the only special girl in their life but just not him? He thinks that he has found his love, and he has decided to give this new girl a shot. What the fuck? he wana give a shot with this girl? what makes her so special? What makes her so much better? What makes her deserve that? because he has fallen in love with that girl.

I detest the thought of going to share my life with someone else. Going to spend time dating with someone else. Going to be intimate with anyone else. I dont even find anyone worth my lust. Anyone else but him. I detest that desperate feeling i get, the "i only want him" feeling. Nobody but him. i detest myself for not being able to get over this fucking person for 5 months. 5 freakin months. i detest myself for thinking that "i have gotten over him". Yes i did but i really cant help wanting him back so badly. This is a grief, a grief of losing someone. But the damn problem is that we were only together for like a few freaking weeks. Why cant i just get over this freakin fucking matter?

I couldnt find an answer worth explaining for this so i decided to give an excuse that it doesnt matter how long u r with that someone to determine how much u like him. I find that it sounds reasonable to me because i didnt love the person whom i was together longer as much. But is that really the truth or is that because i am some stupid desperate woman who cant help clinging onto the past?

I detest the fact that i cannot find someone else who can accept me for who i am. I dont even have the courage to show anyone else the real me. Like who's going to accept the morning me, when i will look so terrible, with my hair all messed up, bad breath, ugly dark eye rings, looking grumpy and just plain ugly. The wasted me who jsut puke like nobody's business, smelly full of alcohol. The tired me when i will be all grumpy with thick eye bags and no mood to entertain anyone. I think nobody can and i wouldnt want anyone to try to accept those ugly facts of me at all. I just want my mr right to only see my pretty side. Its not exactly he cant accept me but i dont want to see his disappointed face, or the face that "oh this is my gf and i cant help it but just accept her" look. Every guy gets that feeling. oh dont deny that. You guys just cant deny that. i know it.

I also detest the fact that i have to act like i dont care about him just because i dont want to look like some desperate woman infront of him. I hate to pretend so much. I hate that its the fact. That the more u show that u care, the more he wont bother abut u. its the fact. yes it is, but i hate it. what i think is whether i show that i care ornot doesnt matter because he's simply not into me anymore. Right, thats true.

i just wish that one day i can wake up and find that he's by my side, everything like what i wished, happily ever after. But fuck that thought. u are never going to get that ever again, never in ur whole freaking life.

fuck the facts, fuck the truth.

So what if there's ppl coming up to you and say oh u have become so pretty, u are so HOT..BLABLA. but at the end of the day, nobody true is coming for you. whats that suppose to make you feel?

yes fuck the facts fuck the truth.

fuck you.
You've got the poison, I've got the remedy.
@12/09/2005 04:58:00 am