Its a freezing cold New Year here in frisco. Its cold and lonely. I almost couldnt even use the internet. Can u believe i almost got chased out of the hotel by some fucking ang mo who thinks he is so great being a fucking white man?

Yes it all just happened. There are two computers here but one of them is down. So he happened to be using one of them and he told me he will take a while. There is a big sign there saying, "Pls limit ur time on the computer while other guest are waiting." I didnt say anything so i sat down on the next computer and waited patiently. I waited for a friggin half an hour! So suddenly, he turned around and started ordering me to leave! WTF!? He said i was looking over his shoulder at his email and there is some fucking law in america call privacy. wtf? Dont talk to me in that fucking mocking tone. First, he is not even supposed to use the computer for so god damn fucking long. Next, he is not allow to ask me to leave. I wasnt even looking at his shoulder! i was sitting on the next computer, patiently waiting for him to finish. He decided to approach the front desk and ask the security to come. The security didnt even bother. At last, after all the scene he made, he left. What kind of fucking man is this?

i hate man.

Seems like everything must go wrong for me. I cant have a happy new year. I cant buy any drinks here because i am fucking under 21. I hate this fucking feeling. i hate it when everything must go wrong for me. i find myself very silly, sitting down infront of the computer and weeping to myself. Why am i so weak? Why must i allow myself to be controlled by rules and people? why must i allow myself to be almost chased out of the hotel by some fucking white man? Why must i allow myself to be play arnd by him? He doesnt even care anymore.

i m so sick now. so so so sick. But i must force myself to be strong. The only way to win is to win myself.

Update: i just read belle's blog.. not too sure if she's refering to me but if she is, thank u so much for dedicating an entry to me. I know what u are talking abt. Trying my best to be very strong now.. trying to recover from it asap! New year must find new boyfriend. hahaha.

Nope, not going to find one. Not going to wait for anyone right one to come too. Think i just want to stop this kind of mess for a while. Not too sure for how long.. perhaps a few days? haha. Whatever. Its not about looking for a guy, its looking for a guy who loves me. ah here i go again. shh. lets not talk abt it.

trying to be strong. be strong.
You've got the poison, I've got the remedy.
@1/28/2006 04:39:00 pm