weee~* u cant believe how happy i am back to be in singapore, back home. hahaha. Must be wondering, "When has elaine becomes so patriotic." i have always been so. =X

Feels so good to be back. I seriously need a break. I am suffering from some kind of disorder. Sleeping, eating, emotions disorders. Yah. Its true. Firstly, i haven been sleeping well at all..my dark eye rings make me look like crap. Just ask ru when she saw me the day when i touched down. We went out to holland v for food and i really looked scarey. To think that i even dare to go out makeup-less. lolz. Pardon me huh. I have been wearing make up so often. I need some fresh air for my skin! Next disorder is my eating habits. I have been eating NON STOP. And when i mean NON STOP, i really mean NON STOP. I feast on everything.. soft drinks(those are usually my BIG NONO), fried chicken wings(oO my favourite!), snacks.. everything. I weigh myself the other day, and hell yes, i put on 2 kg so far. Next is my emotion disorder. I think all these 3 are closely linked. Like i eat so much because i haven been sleeping enough, neither have i been feeling right. I am kind of suffering from low self esteem now. And i am eating more to make myself feel worse! Dont you think i sound like a sadist?

I can really see my body shape change. My belly budge out like i am 3 months pregnant(choy! i am not!), my arms are becoming more and more flabby and getting bigger, my hips become flabby. How bad can things get man?

I cant really control my emotions. They seem to be ever changing and every change are very extreme. I dont even feel like talking to anyone. As in, i feel that constantly when i talk, nobody wants to listen. Dont you think i am beginning to sound like a freak? hahahaha. ok.

But dont worry, i know all these are going to be alright. It will all be fine when i can control more on my diet, exercise, get back my figure, feel good about myself. Hopefully the day will come soon er.

As for me and him, i cant think of any other reasons but to blame whatever problems we are having now on my 3 disorders. We seem to be having disputes..which isnt very positive for a budding relationship. But i really hope that i can control more on my emotions part.. or perhaps right, i may have too high an expectations. I also want him to give. And the same goes for him. Seems like we really gotta compromise and learn more about each other before we can iron all the chunks out.

I really enjoy the moments spent with him but you know, not everyone is perfect. i cant just expect him to be whoever i want it to be. Gotta relax before getting myself burn. I am so uptight abt everything. Nothing can go wrong. If one goes wrong, i will freak out. So scarey to know that this is me. I cant tell something by a person's speech. Its all up to the persons actions before i can decide if its really true. So i think i need to give this relationship some time before i can judge.

And i have got lotsa things to do. I need to keep myself busy anyway. I cant just stick around like some irritating bee. Everyone needs some space. I need my own space too.. gotta make it happen before anyone suffocates and die. hahaa.
1) Gotta revamp my blog! getting lotsa complaints again.
2) Revamp my pad. New year's coming. I dont wan ppl to see my dirty smelly pad.
3) Visit the skin centre tml for my scar thingy.
4) Visit my dematologist.. i need my medication refill!
5) Upload those pics i took on new year and my new york trip
You've got the poison, I've got the remedy.
@1/11/2006 02:20:00 am