I should be busy in my coma land. Instead, i just douse out my stick of ciggie, staring blankly at the screen, eyes swollen, nose running, not knowing what to do.

My windows media player keeps on replaying the same songs again and again. I am bored. I am tired. Almost drenched out. have got a few things replaying in my head. Feels like i am in a dazed. Almost not knowing how should i react, how should i act. Have been pondering alot over a fren.. and it raised my awareness about certain things that i didnt use to give a damn abt. Its scarey but its so real. Its alive.

And as the days past, i am shock to feel that i am recovering. It isnt bad that i am recovering. But i felt scared as i see the feelings drained away from me. Is it really that shallow? Or is it because its happening so often to me that my mind has been programmed in such a way? Like what a deary told me, just give me a while, i will be fine after a while and den i will start going out again. Its like so common for me. Or perhaps i really should view it as something like that. Just look at the countless boyfriends i have changed over the past few years. Not countless, not so scarey but numerous. oh well whats the diff? But i put in effort in every of them.. but somehow i realise that i am no longer as perfect as i always thought i am. I grow to be so cynical of relationships. oh well. i realise that despite me still getting hurt, i am growing more and more heck care. oh well.

But still, i am glad i still feel soemting for him and wish that there will be a turn in the present situation. i am still trying.. till one morning when i will wake up realising that oh its nothing but just an illusion. That will be the day when i realise that i have gotten over him.. and ready to go out again. =) meantime, baby i miss u. =~
You've got the poison, I've got the remedy.
@3/21/2006 01:42:00 am