The phone call ended solemly.

Sipping the merlot in my hand, I tried to fight off the rising trepidation. I feel weak as i thought through everything, like blades of grass cutting my feet as i daggered through. With every step, i feel powerless, losing my grip.

i wish i could shake his brain. I cant see what the future's in for us. Call me a coward, i dislike to think about the future. I choose not to think of it, for fear that one day my nightmares will come true. And now as the months draw closer, i think its inevitable to happen. Be it, whether i like it ornot. I cant think of any solution. No proper solutions seem to be able to address whatever problems there are.

Solution-less, we decided that we should take things slowly, see where the future is going to lead us. But its not going to be like what we said. If nobody's going to put in effort, the future is clear. Its doomed. Its just dragging on, waiting for those months to come. And when it comes, i know that i am going to break down. He sees it as whether its "worth it" ornot. If one's going to put in effort now, and when the time comes, its going to be a waste. Then why drag it on? But if we try as we said, we put in effort and make things happen, i believe that somehow someday, when the time comes, we will be able to realise what to do. Even if at the end of the day, we still think that we cant find any better solution, at least we have already tried our best.

call me naive, call be a believer. I believe in believeing.

The future is in my hands. But i really cant help dejected if i dont see any reciprocation

The future is a tad too blurry for me to see. LDR isnt the best solution. But i cant give up my life my job too. And so what if i do? whats going to happen?

Signing off,
Me stuck in my melancholy thoughts.
You've got the poison, I've got the remedy.
@3/08/2006 11:29:00 pm