"She has never been my girlfriend."

This strike me like a huge slap across my face. He broke the last straw.

i guess i have enough. Have been pushing enough to see the real colors of his. This must be something that i have secretly been yearning for a long long time. And now that i hear it with my own ears, it feels surprisingly "wonderful". I felt the sudden urge to give him a tight slap across that cheek of his.

I guess no matter how much i feel for him, or how much i wish this relationship shuld have worked out if i wasnt so unreasonable and impatient, its pointless to carry on hoping for any better. I am tired. Alright, i can now safely declare that i dont feel anything for him anymore. Even if i do, this is a wake up call for me to wake up from all "ifs and buts". What kind of bullshit? To think that i have been cursing at myself for my willful and intorerable behaviors.. To think that i wish i could do something to tell him that i still care. Its OVER now. O-V-E-R. I am sorry that i even bother to love. I think thats one of the biggest mistakes i've ever made. Biggest mistake. i must programme my brain such that -We've never been together at all either! Oh pls. what makes u think we did? Duh.

Gotta go pack up for new york trip. I hate it because i have to duty tml and i have got lotsa things not done at the moment.

love,
a brand new ELAINE awaiting.
You've got the poison, I've got the remedy.
@3/24/2006 11:24:00 pm