As the days quietly creep past, everything seems like it has never happen before. We each carry on our life, separately. No word of news from him, no calls from him.. nothing. When was the last time i saw him? Not too long ago, but it feels like months. Initially, i struggled hard to live through each day, living under a facade, occassionally revealing my true self, in tears. Gradually, i got so used to living under this facade that it has become a part of me.

If there's no photos to prove, no diary entries to leaf through, no sms text to reminisce, nobody will even know that he was around. The tears have dried up on the powdered face, leaving only entwined lines to trace from the mascara smurged organ of sight. I secretly still pin for his presence, still wish that someday he will ring me to tell me that he still cares. When a phone rings, i still hope that his name'll be blinking. But i'll always have to smack myself back into the reality to prevent from living on dreams. Dreams that never will come true.

Now, i no longer know about him. I want to find out so much, but it has come to a point where i try to shun myself away from any forms of communication with him. I am scared. Scared that one day i will hear that he's seeing someone new.

Good things are shortlived.

I wish that someday i can wake up to see him by my side, with his puppy snuggling up between us. I wish that we can both binge on tapioca chips together, watch him make police chase after him on his xbox, watch him become mr vain infront of his full length mirror, hear him telling me that he's fat, have him to pamper me after a lousy flight, hear him grumble about army, listen to his lame but still funny jokes and bickering at each other. I was agitated and hurt but they make me realise that i still adore him so much.

i want to hug him so tightly that he nearly suffocate.
i can only wish.

Pack up your feelings and carry on with life under this facade. Time will fade everything away, even photos will yellow, diary will be lost, sms text will be deleted.

Some things only happen once.

My heart hurts.

tears.
You've got the poison, I've got the remedy.
@4/27/2006 12:04:00 pm