I have been grumbling that my offdays are far too short for me to have some proper rest but come to think of it, i think its in abundance.. but just that i cant bring myself to get my asse moving to get anything done.

i dont feel very moltivated to really go and do anything. Occassionally when i managed to convince myself, i indulge in things that tire me out-like clubbing, drinking, shopping and doing sports(but isnt that everything that i can do? erm..) Alright, i am jaded. Every trip back brings a big question mark to my brain--What am i going to do?

I do enjoy my offdays back but the thought of trying to think of something to do every week when i am back tire me out. Gather friends, plan programmes, actually doing them, argh. I am tired. i want to do something but my energy has somehow vanished. I still enjoy drinking, meeting up with friends, hanging out drinking, shopping, having coffee, wakeboarding, hitting the gym blabla but fickle minded me no longer feel satisfied doing them. Oh what am i saying? alright i am fickle. =(

Gone are the days when i look forward to coming back because i know there's someone awaiting my return. Maybe i am a lazy asse who wants to get comfortable with someone else. Thats so undesirable. Ya, a lazy asse woman who doesnt have a life is just plain undesirable. But so what if you really have a life, enjoy to the fullest, having ur schedule packed tightly 24/7, your life screams, "HAPPENING!"?

It doesnt mean that those man who desire you is the one you desire.

Alright, i know the purpose of enjoying one's life is not to make yourself more desirable. I dont mean that. Besides the desirable factor, i am losing the energy to even attempt to make myself fully satisfied. Can i choose to blame it on my hectic schedule?

I want someone who makes me blush when i see him, who makes my heart pound faster when i think of him, who makes me enjoy every single second spent with him-including those supposely "awkward silences" which has miraculously turn into "moments to reconnect our thoughts" just because its HIM. I want to feel that desire among us because we want each other and not because "he wants me and he's not bad so i decide to give it a shot".

Seems like i am always attracted to the wrong kind of guy. Perhaps i should just settle for a "good man". Remember:Good man finishes last. But only the good man last.

P.S: gg to japan den LA tomorrow. Haven been there for months. Will be meeting up with buddy ferlyn. I am so sick of packing and unpacking. =(
You've got the poison, I've got the remedy.
@6/16/2006 03:03:00 pm